[mindblownie]

anyway I’m reading Guards! Guards! and bruised and battered Vimes in lady Sybil’s nightgown and pink slippers holding a small pet dragon like a shotgun asking some Morpork punk if he’s feeling lucky is the funniest thing I have ever read and imagined and if anyone has seen or done a fanart of this scene I’m begging send me a link

[noirandchocolate]

ARCHCHANCELLOR.  Master of Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork and the official leader of all the wizards on the Disc (a polite fiction on a par with the Queen of England also being Queen of Australia).  Once upon a time this would have meant that he was the most powerful in the handling of magic, but in more quiet times senior wizards tend to look upon actual magic as a bit beneath them.  They prefer administration, which is safer and nearly as much fun, and also big dinners.

The Archchancellor is elected on the Eve of Small Gods.  Well, not exactly elected, because wizards don’t have any truck with the undignified business of voting, and it is well known that Archchancellors are selected by the gods (which wizards don’t believe in).  The double doors to the Great Hall are locked and triple-barred.  An incoming Archchancellor has to request entry three times before they will be unlocked, signifying that he is appointed with the consent of wizardry in general.

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs, “Turtle Recall: The Discworld Companion So Far”

[noirandchocolate]

ASHKENTE, RITE OF.  Spell performed to summon and bind Death.  It is generally done with reluctance, because senior wizards are usually very old and would prefer not to do anything to draw Death’s attention to themselves.  On the other hand, it is also very effective, since Death knows almost everything that is going on because he is usually closely involved.

The Rite has evolved over the years.  It used to be thought that eight wizards were required, each at his station on the point of a great ceremonial octogram, swaying and changing, arms held out sideways so their fingertips just touched; there was also a requirement for dribbly candles, thuribles, green smoke and all the other tedious paraphernalia of traditional High magic.  In fact, it can be performed by a couple of people with three small bits of wood and 4cc of mouse blood; it can even be performed with two bits of wood and a fresh egg.

There are in fact ten ways of performing the Rite; nine of them kill you instantly and the other one is very hard to remember.

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs, “Turtle Recall: The Discworld Companion So Far”
(Well I mean, if you die instantly and you’re a wizard, that does summon Death and he might well talk to you for a bit…)

[mimosaeyes]

This is both a rhetorical and actual question: how far ahead did Terry Pratchett plan the Discworld novels? (I am plunging into them for the first time; excuse my ignorance if this info is in an interview somewhere.)

I was reading Eric, and on p. 34 I noticed this passage:

That scene tickled my brain, so I stared into space and tried to figure out why. Mind you, I’ve read 10 Discworld novels in the last 7 days (it was an accident), so I’m surprised I remembered… 

Here is The Colour of Magic p. 165 (passage located easily, thank you lit major superpowers):

It’s not just ‘Rincewind has a fear of heights so of course he has nightmares about this specific situation’. The “backwards memory of an event in his future” means that Pratchett already knew, while writing The Colour of Magic in bursts after his day job (as I understand from a friend), that this would happen to Rincewind. And he followed through on it seven years later in Eric (fourth Rincewind novel; ninth Discworld novel). Now that’s continuity! (I don’t think this is news to any long-time fan; I just think it’s neat.)

[burntcopper]

Rhianne used this gif at me when i was muttering about having problems casting vimes and i don’t understand why i never thought of it.

[iconuk01]

Oh, that’s just Thud! That’s easy!“ yapped a voice.

Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.

"I used to play it when I was a kid,” he burbled. It’s boring. The dwarfs always win!“

Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I’ll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry.

Sir Terry Pratchett, “Going Postal”

[peppermintquartz]

magratpudifoot asked:

Top five closing lines from Pratchett books?

this was difficult!!

Anyway, I went through my shelves and picked out five I really liked (and why) - not necessarily the top five closing lines of all time, but the top five closing moments.

In no particular order:

> Because nothing has to be true for ever. Just for long enough, to tell you the truth. (The Truth)

• I love this book partly because I majored in journalism and also because it captures the fleeting nature of humanity and their beliefs. To me, as someone who believes fiercely that journalism is meant to shine a light on dark places, that closing line is a reminder that the world always changes, even what we hold to be truths, and we have to hold on to more than just what we think is true or factual - we have to hold on to the spirit of seeking the truth and delivering it without fear or favor.

> And, floating out of an open upstairs window was the voice of Sam Vimes: ‘It goes, “Hruuugh!” It is a hippopotamus! That’s not my cow!’
Nevertheless, it was close enough for now. (Thud!)

• This little scene captures Vimes as he is, after he became a dad. He has priorities, and one of them is his son, and nothing, nothing is more important than reading Where’s My Cow? at six o’clock. This scene made me glad for Vimes, because he has found softness and tenderness in a life that shows him all the worst things about people, and the scene also demonstrates how, at his very core, Vimes is a good man, for all that he worries about the Beast inside him.

>”Well, I suppose there’s no place like home,” she said.
“No,” said Granny Weatherwax, still looking thoughtful. “No. There’s a billion place like home. But only one of ‘em’s where you live.”
“So we’re going back?” said Magrat.
“Yes.”
But they went the long way, and saw the elephant. (Witches Abroad)

• I adore the witches. In this book, we see Granny Weatherwax fully come into her own, and her deciding to go and see the elephant (travel the world) is a demonstration of her choosing to accept the new and unfamiliar at an age when most people would rather save themselves the trouble. It’s refreshing. (And when we have the option, take the longer route, and see the elephant. We’re better off for it.)

> HE WAS A MURDERER, said Death. AND A CREATURE OF MURDERERS. A TORTURER. WITHOUT PASSION. CRUEL. CALLOUS. COMPASSIONLESS.
‘Yes. I know. He’s Vorbis,’ said Brutha. Vorbis changed people. Sometimes he changed them into dead people. But he always changed them. That was his triumph.
He sighed.
‘But I’m me,’ he said.
Vorbis stood up, uncertainly, and followed Brutha across the desert.
Death watched them walk away. (Small Gods)

• More than the casual, thoughtless cruelty of Vorbis, or the heartless, soulless shell of the Omnian Church, Small Gods touched me with Brutha’s genuine compassion. Kindness in simple deeds done without thought of repayment… I think Brutha is one of Pratchett’s real, uncomplicated heroes, more so than, say, Carrot. Brutha whose compassion is so much part of him that it is his nature to save even the worst of the worst from death is a rebel of the very best sort.

>”I didn’t have to,” said Tiffany. “The magic was already here.” (The Shepherd’s Crown)

• It’s the final line of his final book. And yet, he reminded all of us that the magic is already present at this very moment, in all of us. Magic, as in witch magic, because this is a Tiffany Aching book, is about creating, supporting, helping, protecting, caring… The ongoing everyday tasks that we do in life to keep a community going. This line is nothing more or less than his gift to his readers and people who love him. The magic is already here. 

[pinkskadan]

— The Light Fantastic, Terry Pratchett

Funny books are good, actually.

[snowskypx]

“And what’s the first one that your Om requires, then?”

“That believers should worship no other god but Om,” said Oats promptly.

“Oh yes? That’s gods for you. Very self-centered, as a rule.”

Carpe Jugulum, Terry Pratchett

[noirandchocolate]

The acknowledged master of [stealth chess] is the Patrician, Lord Havelock Vetinari, who won a Black four years running and honed his skill, or so it is said, by playing blindfold.  We can report a very successful season last year, winning all forty-eight games played (five of them by default, the opponent timing out in a terminal kind of way).

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs, “Turtle Recall: The Discworld Companion So Far”
(Stealth chess is a version of the game where there are Assassin pieces that can move on special squares no other piece can touch and that can “fake” their movements and then appear anywhere on the board they might physically have gotten to in the right number of moves.  Basically when you move an Assassin you’re “only indicating that it is moving, but not the direction it is moving in.”  So you have to try to keep track of where an opponent’s Assassin pieces are, where they might really be, and where all their other conventional pieces are and what all of them might do.  OF COURSE Vetinari is the master.  Can’t you just picture his tiny little smile as he responds to a ‘Ha, got you in check!’ with a quiet, ‘Ah, actually…’)