asparklethatisblue
Ok no I’m now committed to the Ineffable Bureaucracy. Neither Beelzebub nor Gabriel know what they are doing at all and have only vague ideas about how humans go about relationships.
⭐️ Commission Info ⭐️ Ko-Fi ⭐️
cornwallbitch
“I swear to God, Beelzebub, I will drown you in paperwork for an eternity if you don’t stop your people from sabotaging my department!” Gabriel’s voice trembled with anger. Beelzebub smiled and murmured into phone.
“Ah, please, continue. I love when you talk dirty.” She put her legs on the table and leaned back in her chair. She was definitely enjoying.
“I will add three more application forms and will prolong consideration of any hell’s documents for a few weeks.” Gabriel spoke with low, gentle voice and Beelzebub suddenly realized why he was such a good manager — he was scary as hell. Nothing works better with your underlings than a portion of good old fear. And Gabriel exuded a powerful dark energy that scared everyone near him. It almost made her horny.
“You know, you could just get in here and fuck me.”
Gabriel sighed and went silent.
“What is it, Archangel, overwhelmed with desires?”
“Shut up” he sounded almost helpless. “You did it on purpose, didn’t you?”
For the moment, Beelzebub even felt something like pity, but then Gabriel was talking again and the feeling disappeared.
“You know, I could just offer some of your demons an amnesty in exchange for stopping this stupid sabotage. How fast they would agree?”
“Gabr-r-riel” Beelzebub roared into the phone and Archangel laughed. “You, feathered bastard, don’t even think about it, I will destroy you, I will burn you in Hellfire—“
“Oh, I love when you talk dirty!” light laugh still was there, hidden in Gabriel’s soft intonation. Cunning idea came to Beelzebub’s mind.
“Listen, Archangel. If you want my people to stop terrorizing yours, then take me out.”
“Take you… out?”
“Yeah, feather. Like for a dinner or something.”
There was a long pause and Beelzebub slightly kept herself serious.
“A dinner? Like… consuming food?”
She couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yes, you know, steak ribeye, some salad, those little sweets — what was they called — o, and some champagne—“
“Stop!” Gabriel almost begged her, if Archangels were ever able to beg someone. Beelzebub bit her lip trying not to laugh.
“Well, you can treat me with some innocent souls instead of a steak” she said.
Gabriel sighed.
“We’ll see. But no damn food in my presence or I will spray you with holy water” he hanged a phone and Beelzebub smiled. Her flys were buzzing excitedly.
Demonic head showed up, but she just waved her hand.
“Not now, Dagon, I have more important things.”
Like getting ready for a date.
ladyyatexel
mindblownie
The protagonists of every single time travel story: whatever you do, don’t interact with your personal timeline.
The people of Winden: bump into their parents as kids, bump into their younger selves, talk to their younger selves to make sure they’ll become who they are, talk to their younger selves to make sure they won’t become who they are, become their neighbors’ ancestors, become their own ancestors,
shitpostsampler
Thank you guys for the inspiration! Finally finished after working on this for roughly 5 months✨✨. Had an old jacket that worked perfectly for this Healers & Poisoners pattern!
noirandchocolate
In essence [Ankh-Morpork] is governed as a result of the interplay of various pressure groups. Lord Vetinari positively encouraged the growth of the Guilds, of which there are now some 300 in the city. His reason for doing this may be discerned in his unpublished book The Servant, a compendium of advice and precepts to a young man setting out to govern a fictional city (in the book identified only as AM) in a passage which runs: ‘Where there are clearly two sides to a question, make haste to see that these rapidly become two hundred.' In practice, the city’s political structure consists entirely of a huge number of pressure groups plotting, fighting, conniving, forming alliances, shouting, scheming, intriguing and making plans, in the middle of which one man is quietly doing things his way.
fishyfishyfishtimes
mallsharks
coworker told me he “hates all mollusks” today. and to each their own obviously but like… theres 100k species of mollusk… you really hate all of them bro? nautiluses and oysters and snails and nudibranches and chitons and thousands of animals youve never even heard of???? what did ammonites even fucking do to you
he hates sea bunny?
AND leaf sheep??
el-cheung
scatterations
kimtiny
lynnafred
