wing-weaver-z

How is Aziraphale SIMULTANEOUSLY the four John Mulaney quotes “In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.”, “You could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you.”, “Ducklings! Quack Quack” and “*old gay man voice* You want me to do hwhat???”

mybestfriendsarefictional

this is spot-on but i raise you…. crowley is just the entirety of “salt and pepper diner”

angels-dining-at-the-ritz

I wanna tell you one story, uh. This- this was the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, alright? This happened when I was 5842 years old in London, England where I lived and it took place at a little restaurant called The Ritz, which was a hotel restaurant in the city. Yes, yes, you know The Ritz? It’s a wonderful hotel restaurant in London, which means that it caters mainly to snobs and overworked businesspeople.

Now I go into this place one day when I’m 5842 with my best friend, an angel. Now I should say that he is actually an unfallen, real angel, I’m not calling my past self my own best friend. It’s a separate occult being. We walk into The Ritz one day, and they had a piano there, alright? And the piano was three plays for a pound, so we put in seven pound, and selected twenty-one plays of Tom Jones’ “Another One Bites The Dust” And then we ordered and waited.

Here’s the thing about when “Another One Bites The Dust” plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not, “Hey someone’s playing ‘Another One Bites The Dust’ again.” It’s, “Hey, ‘Another One Bites The Dust’ is a lot longer than I first thought, and it has like a dip in the middle.“You know how some songs have a dip, like Guns n’ Roses’ “Bicycle Race?” You’re like, “Hey, ‘Bicycle Race’ over!” No it’s not. There’s more. The third time it plays, you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing “Another One Bites The Dust” again. The fourth time it plays you’re thinking, “Whoa. Someone just played ‘Another One Bites The Dust’ four times, or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.” So, the fifth time is the kicker. Now, we’re watching the entire diner at this point. Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on, and we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting at his table and his like hand is shaking while his stupid kids jump around and like he’s been on to us since the beginning, and he’s staring at his coffee cup like this and he has this look on his face like-ah- like he just got his thirty day chip from anger management. He’s staring like this, and the fourth play fades out. It’s dead quiet, and then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very subtly: “dun-dun-dun Whoa let’s go!” and the guy goes, “God dammit” and he pounds on the table, and silverware flies everywhere and it was fantastic.

But a word about my angel, and what a genius he was because, when we were first up at the piano and we were punching in the “Another One Bites The Dust”s, alright? I’d punched in about seven, and then the angel says to me, “Hey, hey, hey wait. Before we drop in another ‘Another One Bites The Dust’. Let’s put in one 'Killer Queen’.” And that is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven “Another One Bites The Dust"s in a row, suddenly, ” *snap* *snap* *snap* *snap*, She keeps her Moet et Chandon,“ and the sigh of relief has swept through the restaurant; people were ecstatic. It was like the liberation of France. You know, for years, scientists have wondered, can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’ “Killer Queen” and the answer is yes, you can, as long as it is preceded by seven “Another One Bites The Dust"s.

And on the other hand, when we went back. Holy shit. "Killer Queen” fades out. It’s dead quiet: “dun-dun-dun Whoa let’s go!” People went fucking insane. No one could handle it. No one could handle it, and they were surrounded by like this seemingly indifferent staff, you know, that was just like, "Yep, same shit as always.” My only wish is that one of the schizophrenics had stood up and been like, “Now you know. Now you know what it’s like to live in my brain.” They unplug the piano after eleven plays, and that was the best meal I’ve ever had.

wing-weaver-z

Oh my GOD

lifewithoutcosette

THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED. It has Queen, Zira and Crowley, jOHN eDMuND muLANEY!?! AND BICYCLE RACE DOES INDEED HAVE A DIP IN THE MIDDLE SO IT ABSOLUTELY FITS THE NARRATIVE I have been blessed by this post.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Crowley planted the suggestion to downgrade Pluto’s planetary status

Oh my GOD