drpathetique
I genuinely ended up doing a version of this to myself when I was writing my master’s thesis. I spent two hours driving myself insane (moreso than the actual research already was.)
- I don’t even remember putting that thing down but now it’s not in my hand and I don’t know where it went
- ‘what do you mean you can just think about nothing? what’s that like? I don’t understand’
- *tuning out of a conversation halfway through somebody else’s sentence because I just thought of something interesting*
- carrying my psychiatrist’s business card with me at all times because I see her once a month and every time I go I forget what floor her office is on. I’ve been there 8 times
- ‘Between A & B, A would be the right thing to do’ *a cascading thought process that takes a few seconds tops, justifying option B* ‘actually B would be the right thing to do’
- somebody else, later: why did you think B was the right thing to do??
- me: …. it’s not important, I’ll know better next time
- (spoiler: I won’t know better next time)
- I know you already told me this thing like 12 times but can you tell me again just one more time because I forgot
- it’s not that I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to do this thing. it’s just that in that particular moment i thought it was okay to do it anyway for reasons that would take 48 minutes to explain even though it only took me 3 seconds to justify it in my thoughts, so it’s easier for me to just say ‘I forgot’
- ‘I already told you that’ ‘really? I must have forgotten, i’m sorry’ ‘it was FIVE MINUTES AGO. in this SAME CONVERSATION’
- this internal conversation:
- me: I feel motivated to do this responsible thing
- me: if I don’t do this responsible thing right now I will get distracted and forget to do it for another 5 hours
- me: so I should do this thing right this second, there is nothing stopping me
- me: after I finish this one cell phone game
- me, 5 hours later: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN
- almost flunking a class because I straight up didn’t know any homework had been assigned despite loving the class and always attending
- trusting the memory of literally anyone else over my own memory
- intending to do something for days. sometimes months. never doing it
- *cuddling somebody* mm this is nice … *2 seconds later* bored now
- somebody is mad at me. I might as well fucking d i e
- the options in company are: overshare about the one thing I care about or not talk at all
- insensitive or inattentive? YOU decide (and when you tell me that i hurt your feelings and I didn’t notice I’ll rejection sensitive dysphoria into fantasies of disappearing forever)
- being excellent at my job for months on end, doing everything right and everything well, and then suddenly & without explanation being t h e w o r s t at it for several weeks, making dumb mistakes everywhere for no discernible reason
- when asked to explain something: well it all started when I was a baby
- ‘they don’t need that much explanation’ well YOU tell ME where to start b/c I have no fucking clue tbh
- i can’t throw away anything b/c when I look at it I remember all the sentimental reasons I keep it around and they seem just as important as actually needing it and when I close the storage box back up I forget I had it in the first place until the next time I try to get rid of my clutter and repeat this process
- i wasnt’ idle for a second all day and yet I didn’t accomplish a n y t h i n g
- am i a speed-reader or was I so impatient for what came next that I read only half a page and then skipped to the next one?
- getting excited about a project, starting it, then racing to finish it as fast as I can because when I get bored I’ll abandon it and never go back. must beat the boredom
- edit my fics? working twice on the same idea? /uproarious laughter
- well I fucked that up. too bad I can never rework it because I no longer have passionate energy for it
- me, opening a bottle of adhd meds: I don’t have adhd. I’m just a lazy bum who doesn’t try hard enough
deepintheshadyglen