I don’t know who Savannah was
And those words hold guilt,
As though she was a being I was meant to care for
But could not
I remember wisps of her sometimes.
A longing, naive earnestness, a darkness,
And a grey static void like a throwaway character that showed up only once
But continued to live in the background of a story they had no part in.
I watched as she cobbled together a life from spare character traits
Borrowed parts of the only things that held meaning for her-
The Doctor and MacGyver and Luke Skywalker and Clint Barton
But those borrowed parts just wouldn’t stick together right.
Their character traits alone couldn’t make a real person.
And finally when a breathing husk alone stood in the way of decently failing to exist,
She had long ceased to be, if she had ever been.
Maybe if the car crashed or the lightening struck just right
She would be relieved of her husk as well.
And so in desperation I told her parents they were losing their daughter
And then I cut off her hair, I removed her breasts and ovaries and uterus
I grew new hair on her face and chest, and muscles on her arms and legs
I took her to counseling, I stuck needles in her legs,
And when the dust settled what was left was no longer a husk.
I saw a newborn, bursting with life for the first time at age 20
And long ago all those parts she’d tried to borrow, things I loved,
I carefully stitched into a new being.
No longer borrowed, but built in.
I don’t know who Savannah was
But I thank her for letting me continue to wear her second X chromosome
As nothing more or less than a significant and curious scar
A borrowed part, now cherished.
Copyright Ross V, 2019