No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

TSK: Sadly, nobody would high-five me.

Cranquis: I’m pretty sure your belly pain is due to constipation. I can even feel the stool in your belly.

Teenager with history of constipation: NO, I WOULD KNOW IF I WAS CONSTIPATED.

-Xray of abdomen = large fecal load-

Cranquis: Welp, look at all that poop in there.

Teenager: UGH IT LOOKS LIKE A POOP BABY. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I JUST POOPED THIS MORNING!?

Cranquis: I guess it’s…

…an immaculate constipation.

shesgotwhatittakes

While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.

shesgotwhatittakes

Here it is again with text for anyone who can’t see the picture

That thought isn’t helpful right now.
Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later.
This is irrational. I’m going to let it go.
I won’t argue with an irrational thought.
This is not an emergency. I can slow down and think clearly about what I need.
This feels threatening and urgent, but it really isn’t.
I don’t have to be perfect to be OK.
I don’t have to figure out this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.
It’s OK to make mistakes.
I already know from my past experiences that these fears are irrational.
I have to take risks in order to be free. I’m willing to take this risk.
It’s OK that I just had that thought/image, and it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t have to pay attention to it.
I’m ready to move on now.
I can handle being wrong.
I don’t have to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.
That’s not my responsibility.
That’s not my problem.
I’ve done the best I can.
It’s good practice to let go of this worry. I want to practice.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

TSK: Sadly, nobody would high-five me.