No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

eldritch-elegy

So there I was, thinking I was going to have the first easy night in forever, when at three in the morning, here comes patient, hopping out of room putting pants on sans underwear.

Remind patient what time it is, patient begins to repeat gibberish over and over.

Sigh heavily, assist patent in getting dressed at three in the morning, because even if patient did go back to bed, patient would be up in five minutes doing the same thing.

Make coffee while patient is doing hair.

Patient comes out, a complete mess, has taken off almost all clothing trying to get shirt tucked in. Now has underwear outside of pants.

Get patient dressed again, give patient coffee, sit patient in front of an infomercial. Patient demands the news, inform patient that the news doesn’t come on at three in the morning here.

Turn to check on all other sleeping patients, patient gets up to follow me.

Turn around, inform patient that patient cannot follow me into other people’s bedrooms. Patient asks if I’m going to sit down. Inform patient I WORK HERE, I can’t sit in the chair all morning. Patient sits down.

Patient decides to pour coffee on the floor in a pout. Catch patient in nick of time, inform that pouting and pouring coffee on the floor is unacceptable. Set coffee on solid surface.

Halfway to other patient’s room, find patient following me again.

Inform patient again that patient cannot go into other people’s bedrooms. Patient says, “I’ll just stand here.”

Inform patient that standing in the hallway is weird, escort patient back to goddamn chair.

Go back and check on other, sleeping patient.

Find patient right outside door, blocking exit. Patient scopes out sleeping patient’s room.

Lead patient back to chair.

"Aren’t you gonna sit down with me?"

Inform patient that I WORK HERE, I CAN’T SIT WITH YOU, I AM THE ONLY ONE HERE AND THERE ARE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE I HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON.

Repeat steps who frigging knows through who frigging cares God knows how many times until six a.m.