An adventure
When I first arrived in the new town, I had expected it to be like the other new towns. A town, I had said to myself, that must be very new, or very new-to-me. It was more of an apartment complex, I had said to myself. But I’d known that I wouldn’t like it. I’d gone into it, and it hadn’t really been like any town. It was, as I’d guessed, new.
But, as it turned out, that was just the first surprise. I thought I had come to the right town, that a town like the one I had imagined might exist. But no town like that one existed. There were lots of the town I had imagined. But there were lots of other towns, too.
The first one I saw, I was driving back from one of my first appointments. As I drove through the neighborhood, I felt a kind of panic. The street signs were all wrong. The town looked like it had never been built. There were no street signs. A city had never been built here.
It was a strange feeling, an overwhelming feeling of fear and anger. There was some kind of strange mistake. And I wanted to find the person who had made the mistake. The mistake had been made, it seemed, deliberately.
As I drove into the next neighborhood, everything changed. The sidewalks were perfectly normal. And then it seemed I had passed into the actual city, at least where I was going.
I drove into a neighborhood that was very small and very old-looking, very orderly and very well-kept. The street signs looked like they had been here for hundreds of years. I went down the sidewalk to a door that appeared to have been left open. I got out of my car.
A woman in a white uniform was sitting on a stool inside the door. She was eating something out of a container.
I asked her, “Where is the grocery store?”
“Grocery store?” she said. She seemed puzzled. “Where?”
I said, “I need to buy a bottle of milk. I saw a sign. For a woman.” I turned my head. “There is a bottle of milk. A small bottle.”
The woman asked, “Milk? You want a small bottle of milk?”
I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “Please. The sign. On the wall.”
The woman got up from the stool. She walked away, out of the door. I heard her say, “It’s in the room, in the front.”
In the room in the front was a man I had never seen before in my life, wearing a white uniform, talking to a child who had a big red dog.
The man in the white uniform was saying, “And that doesn’t make a lot of sense. The dog should be much smaller. That dog is much too small. The dog is almost the size of a small human. That’s not good. That’s not good at all.”
The woman I had spoken to said, “Come on in.” I followed her into a room that was much bigger and much more modern than I had expected. The woman put her bottle of food down on a counter.
The man turned around and put his hands on his hips. “This is my baby,” he said, in the voice of an angry parent.
“His name is Moomin,” the woman explained. “We call him Mike for short.”
“Mike has a problem,” the man said. “He’s been growing for a long time. And the problems get bigger and the solutions get smaller and smaller. He’s nearly the size of a small human now. It’s kind of scary. He’s not used to living in this kind of house. It’s not really appropriate. It’s much too small. There’s no room for an oversized dog like this, when there are so many humans. We haven’t got the resources to provide the care that’s needed. We don’t even have the resources to provide any kind of care. He needs to go to a vet soon.”
“We need to find him a small dog,” the woman said. “A pet. He deserves a pet. He’s a good boy.”
The man said, “That’s what they all say. But how do I know that’s true? How can I know that he isn’t a very good dog who’s only pretending to be a good boy? How can I know anything about this little boy?”
The woman asked, “What do you need a pet for?”
I asked, “Do you have a dog?”
“Oh,” the woman said. “Oh, right. We do, Mike’s pet.”
“It’s a great dog,” the man explained. “The best of the best. A real champion. But he’s growing, and he’s going to leave us soon. We need to provide him with a new home. We’d been hoping he could live with some people who had a small dog, like him.”
The woman said, “He might be the only person in the whole world to need a little dog.”
“Yeah,” the man said. “He might be. He may be. But he doesn’t deserve a pet. It’s not the right thing to do for him. A pet is not what he deserves.”
I felt a cold chill go down my spine. This was not how the town was. This was not how new towns worked. I said, “But the town is new. I’m here to see the town.”
“Well,” the woman said, “I mean, Mike has been here for years, and it’s not like he doesn’t know how this town works. The town is new. For Mike. It’s different for you, I guess. You must have been here for a long time already.”
I said, “Well, if this town is new for him, it’s no surprise that it has the wrong kind of signs. It has the wrong kind of names. I want to find where this mistake has been made. The signs are all wrong. The names are all wrong.”
The man looked at me like I had just been sentenced to death and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do about it. I felt like I was in the wrong city.
“No one wants a pet with Moomin,” he said. “They don’t want to be around Moomin. Nobody wants a pet with Moomin. That’s not an option. That’s not how any of this works. There’s always room at the end of the line.”
“You’ve got a lot of pets,” the woman said.
“Yeah,” the man said. “But I don’t want a pet. I don’t want a dog. I’ve got Moomin.”
I said, “What can you do with a dog?”
The man and the woman were silent for a moment. Then the woman said, “Nothing. Nothing that matters, at least. He’s a pet. We have to have a dog. We may not be able to have Mike.”
I said, “If you have to have a dog, can’t you do something about Moomin?”
“I’m sorry,” the man said, “but that’s just how it’s going to be with Moomin. That’s just the way it is with Moomin. He’s a pet.”
The woman added, “Well, Mike is a pet, too. But he’s still a person.”
I asked the man in the white uniform, “If I go up and look at the sign on that wall, what will it say?”
The man considered this question for a few minutes. “It would say ‘Moomin’s Grocery Store.’”
“You see?” I said. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s the best kind of thing to say,” the woman said, “but it’s also the worst kind of thing to say.”
“What do you mean?” the man said.
“It means if it was a person,” the woman said, “if the little girl was a real human being, it would be the kind of thing to say. The best possible thing, the right thing, to say about a small, tiny baby.”
The man said, “She’s not a small, tiny baby.”
“No?” the woman said. “He’s not a pet. But he’s not a real person.”
“I don’t understand,” I said.
“Of course you don’t understand,” the woman said. “You’re a person, and you’re a pet. That’s how the world works. You do not have the kind of experience you have inside, which is the experience of being a real, existing person. It’s not like being a real, existing dog, who understands what the word 'good’ means.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s okay,” the man said.
“We can’t go anywhere,” the woman said. “We don’t have any money.”
“Maybe you do,” the man said. “Maybe you have more money than you know what to do with. Maybe that’s a good thing.”
“How do I know the signs aren’t right?” I asked, “if the signs are wrong?”
The woman said,