funny-tik-toks
gallusrostromegalus
When my mom was volunteering with city council, they took a bunch of field trips to various civic infrastructures to learn how the worked so they could learn How The Fuck A City Works. On one of these trips, they were all in a bigass van doing icebreaker questions and one of the questions was “Whats your largest scar and how did you get it?”
And everyone in the van wanted to brag so there was “I did this with an awl while woodworking” and “Oh I got my appendix out” and the like, until they get to my Mom in the farthest back seat in the van and she pulls her shirt up a bit to show the six-inch scar on her abdomen. She’s 4'10" so it looks enormous on her, bright red because that’s how she scars.
“Oh My God!” people gasped.
“I had to have an eight-pound growth removed from my abdomen.” She said, sitting back down to a chorus of horrified gasps.
“What happened?” Asked the trip coodinator, walking right into it.
“Oh, They’re in college now!” She said.
-
“Sorted out who had a sense of humor in that group real fast.” Mom explained later.
what-even-is-thiss
If you ever fly into San Francisco I think it’s important that you know that SFO is right on the ocean and for a few seconds you’re gonna be convinced that you’re about to plunge into the bay but that’s not what’s happening
sticksandsharks
mylordshesacactus
Do you ever think about what the start of ME1 must have been like for the Council. Like, the human embassy is being annoying so they picked one (1) human to send on a few milk runs to make sure her 100% political appointment wasn’t gonna blow up in their faces. That’s it.
They’re sitting there like “what’s next on the docket. ah yes, the job interview for the diversity hire”
and then she kicks down the door and the first words out of her mouth are “THE REGIONAL MANAGER IS WORKING FOR A CULT OF BILLION-YEAR-OLD MACHINES TO WIPE OUT ALL LIFE IN THE GALAXY, THIS WAS REVEALED TO ME IN A DREAM”
and everyone acts like YOU’RE being unreasonable for politely reminding her that this is a wendy’s.
neat-deadandlive-things
Me: I’m not a superstitious person. I’m a scientist who believes in logic and reason.
Also me: Does my stats in R while sitting on the floor listening to Cats in the Cradle on repeat because that’s the way it ran last time and I’m not about to upset R by making any changes.
prokopetz
Bad: weaponised incompetence.
Good: weaponised competence. Fulfill the precise letter of the request so much more thoroughly and extensively than any reasonable person would expect that it becomes actively inconvenient. Produce results that are completely useless for their intended purpose while simultaneously being so rigorously compliant with some plausible interpretation of the instructions you’ve been given as to admit no room for criticism. Go full Evil Genie on their asses.
currenthyperfixations1616
wheezel
ineffablekink
arcticflakes
