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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
leona-florianova
s-u-w-i

“ Right ho,” I said, and started for the door, sauntering at first in a languid sort of way, like a connoisseur a bit bored at having his time wasted.
I say “ at first,” because I had only taken a couple of steps when I tripped over the cat, and you can’t combine tripping over cats with languid sauntering. Shifting abruptly into high, I shot out of the door like someone wanted by the police making for the car after a smash-and-grab raid. The cow-creamer flew from my hands, and it was a lucky thing that I happened to barge into a fellow citizen outside, or I should have taken a toss in the gutter.

- P. G. Wodehouse, The Code Of The Woosters

Bertie and the infamous cow-creamer 🐄 
(and bits of Roderick Spode and Sir Watkyn Bassett)

commissioned by Kathryn 💖

another-rpg-sideblog

25 Lawless City Adventure Seeds

rpgsandbox

by Robb at readytorole.com

  1. An entire guild of assassins that was popular to hire has been found dead, and the only clue is the mark of a rival guild. Some see this is a challenge to the other guilds, but the guild whose mark was found maintains that they are being framed.
  2. A merchant beckons all who come near to do a job for him and steal back what is rightfully his. A rival merchant in town has possession of a darksteel crown, supposedly an heirloom of the first merchant’s lineage.
  3. The Bandit King has made it known that he is looking for a new right hand man after his fourth in three months faces public execution. The public are all clamoring for the role despite the bleak outlook of any who sign up, but why?
  4. A fight has broken out in the trade district that is causing lost sales and a lot of damage; two alchemists toss exploding vials at one another claiming the other stole their recipe for them.
  5. Many of the mages in the city keep their establishments within pocket dimensions that close when they leave, but lately even they have been subject to theft and they want to figure out who and how.
  6. Usually the gladiator pit is a good source of entertainment, but the last few combatants did not seem like they were in there by choice. While there are no laws in the city preventing it, there is already a steady stream of volunteers who want to test their mettle and the need for captives is nonexistent.
  7. A merchant has recently come to town with a caravan full of caged monsters. Many of the ones capable of speech threaten the merchant and any who come near repeatedly, although the merchant maintains that they are harmless.
  8. Two rival bars have been getting their patrons drunk and sending them to the other bar to fight and cause damage. This is causing so much damage to the property and people involved that the other patrons are wondering what could cause their rivalry to come to this.
  9. A band of mercenaries have returned to town after successfully slaying an exotic creature, and in tow have one of its enormous eggs. They want to sell it for profit, but some druids were overheard plotting to steal it.
  10. A new form of undead flesh golem was created by a necro-alchemist who wanted to achieve the best of living and undead parts in one creature. However, they did not account for the madness that would overcome the monster and allow them to break free of the necro-alchemists control.
  11. A noble of a nearby noble house was brought into the city in captivity and auctioned off. The bids keep going higher between his own house and that of a rival house that would see to his end.
  12. A thieves guild starts a local children’s chapter to ensure that they are better as adult thieves, but the children keep getting injured and locals are unsure of how to handle them when they get caught.
  13. A group of doppelgangers offer their services to kill and impersonate anyone for an extended period of time, and the only clue that they have been hired is that they themselves disappear for some time. They went missing last week.
  14. The local farmers withhold crops due to being looked down upon and pushed around by the other trades. They are threatening to poison their own crops and cattle if they are not taken seriously, and the loss of food source significantly hurts the city’s independence.
  15. A greater demon has taken up residence in the city, openly trading favors and power for souls. The soul can be that of the buyer, or the demon sells empty soul-flasks that can capture the souls of the freshly slain for trade.
  16. The catacombs have been freshly ransacked by amatuer graverobbers despite warnings from the more experienced, and now undead are slowly shambling out. The Bandit King’s guards can’t be bothered to go down and take a look or potentially stop the undead, and others are afraid to.
  17. Days after a new casino opened, its entire vault was robbed overnight without a trace. The owner is offering a reward for any clues about who might be behind the caper.
  18. A local madman has died and in his will left his estate to any who could claim it. What he forgot to mention is that his entire estate is booby-trapped, and many have come out severely injured or have not returned at all.
  19. A cult is openly recruiting for a future attack on lawful settlement as they need positive energy to feed to their god. When asked who this god is, they respond by showing a single, tiny newt that their leader keeps in her pocket.
  20. Graffiti is showing up around the city, and it supposedly points to hidden treasure buried throughout. After one of the clues turned out true, riots have broken out as others race to try deciphering and finding the rest of the treasure.
  21. A new drug has hit the streets that transforms the taker into a random object or animal. The more you take, the longer and stranger the transformation. As of right now, a man has been turned into a table for a week and people are desperate to find a cure!
  22. A coalition of guilds and thugs are seeking to take down the Bandit King and preach against him openly. Usually by now the Bandit King would have had them dispatched, but for some reason they have not been touched.
  23. A small group of people are campaigning to start a new holiday called “Giveback”, where the crime stops for a day and you literally give back something that you stole in the last year and promise not to steal it again. Others are less thrilled with the idea of them undoing their own work.
  24. A seller of cursed items keeps changing their face, but people want to catch them. Their goods are indistinguishable from non-cursed items, and even normal goods such as bags of flour have found a way to be cursed.
  25. A miasma has been slowly leaking out of the sewers and causing a plague-like sickness to overtake the town. Oddly, half-elves, half-orcs, and other half-races are not affected even when people with full blood on either side are.
petermorwood
phantomrose96

I read Hamlet back in high school and to this day my absolute favorite thing about it was when Guildenstern was trying to fool Hamlet into doing something or other and Hamlet’s savvy to it but rather than saying “you’re lying and trying to trick me” instead Hamlet outta nowhere whips out this flute and tells Guildenstern to play it.

And Guildenstern is all “I dont know how to play a flute, my lord”

And Hamlet takes a dramatic pause before he absolutely ruins Guildenstern with, “Well thats funny considering you thought you could play me”

phantomrose96

image

this post sounds like im exaggerating but im not it’s straight up canon

petermorwood

Hamlet doesn’t whip the flute out of nowhere, he swipes it from the players -  the stage direction is: Re-enter Players with recorders and Hamlet says “Oh, the recorders! Let me see one!” (takes a recorder).

Beta readers are everywhere, so did Shakespeare add that after some feedback in rehearsals?

“Hey, Will, great wordplay with the whistle an’ all but where’d it come from? Hamlet’s acting crazy, not crazy-prepared!”

Here’s the lead into the OP quotation:

HAMLET: I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe?

GUILDENSTERN: My lord, I cannot.

HAMLET: I pray you.

GUILDENSTERN: Believe me, I cannot.

HAMLET: I do beseech you.

GUILDENSTERN: I know no touch of it, my lord.

HAMLET: It is as easy as lying. Govern these ventages with your fingers and thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops.

It’s no accident IMO that it’s specified in direction and dialogue as a recorder, an instrument both then and now so simple that children play them, yet Guildenstern claims he can’t.

Look at the welter of musical references - stops (woodwind), pluck (strings), compass (vocal range), organ (keyboards), frets (more strings but easier to play). The entire audience from toffs to groundlings would have got them.

It may even include a dick joke - very little Shakespeare doesn’t if you look hard enough. 

“Alright dude, you wanna blow me, but you can’t even blow this? Then pluck you, man, and pluck off!“ 

Here’s David Tennant playing Hamlet not being played by Guildenstern, who can’t play the recorder even though Rosencrantz is in the background making off-key mental notes as he records this duet for the King.

image

And here’s the scene.

ETA: here’s a longer version which includes the set-up; the actual recorder “business” starts at ~01:57.

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