Aries: We cannot know ourselves. Souls are not stones, they are rivers. Forgive yourself.
Taurus: The ability to spit dead in someone’s eye rarely comes in handy, but it’s sure as hell effective when it does. Appreciate your talents, however small.
Gemini: Bad friends may as well be emotional meat grinders. You’re better than emotion sausage.
Cancer: Sometimes making a rude gesture and telling the world to shove it is the right answer. Dont take too much pleasure in it though.
Leo: Hatred is like holding onto a hot coal to throw it at someone. Organized property damage is much more effective.
Virgo: I asked the stars how to be cool. They didn’t say anything but one of them put on some big sunglasses and another made finger guns at me. Point is, dont get too hung up on that.
Libra: The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Keep in mind there is nothing stopping the present from being full of dogshit.
Scorpio: Your desire to change the past is like a kangaroo, it cannot move backwards. This gives you the tactical advantage.
Sagittarius: The human brain is a sexual katamari. Anything, and I mean anything, can be incorporated. This is wonderful and terrifying.
Capricorn: A blessing is a blessing. In this day and age we recommend you take every scrap of holy energy you can.
Aquarius: You have two choices. Change it or wallow in it. Many things really shouldn’t be wallowed in.
Pisces: Our brains at night can be terrifying places. Luckily, comedy is the sawed-off shotgun of emotional defenses. All comedy is fear.






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