shows up to the ds9 fandom 25 years late with starbucks
Moffat Appreciation Week → January 23: A favourite theme
↳ Everybody lives
“Just this once, everybody lives!”
there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend
Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
Achilles’ player: How many?
Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
Homer, the DM: alright Diomedes, what do you want to do now?
Diomedes’ player: I want to stab another god. Can I stab Ares?
Homer, the DM: you want to fight… the god of War. Look, you’ve already injured one immortal. Are you sure -
Diomedes’ player: *rolls a nat. 20*
Homer, the DM: ok. Alright. You… you stab the god of war. You’ve done it. You’ve stabbed another god. And you got the help of Athena to do it, because that was a super dumb, impossible move - that should have been - anyway, Ares’ retribution is going to hurt a lot -
Homer, the DM: *rolls a 1*
Homer, the DM:
Homer, the DM: Well. Okay. Actually Ares just. Leaves. He just, flies off, and complains to his dad, because some dumb mortal stabbed him, and there’s apparently nothing he can do about it.
Diomedes’ player: sweet.
Diomedes’ player: I check for other immortals on the battlefield.
Homer, the DM: oh for gods’ sake.
English: Firefighter fights fire
Estonian: Firebanisher erases firedamage :)
Latvian: Fire eraser erases fire sin :)
Lithuanian: Fire extinguisher extinguishes fire
French: Pumpers fight fire ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
German: fire defense man deletes burning
Vietnamese: fire rescuer puts out fire
Afrikaans: burn weather man throws fire dead
Spanish: bomb man turns off the fire
Finnish: burnman turns off the fireburn
Swedish: fireman turns off fire
Icelandic: the extinguishing team man/woman extinguishes the fire
Korean: (lights)off stop officer (소방관) is fire ending
i say we start a meme where we take jokes that don’t work in other languages and translate them without explanation maybe only tagging with the original language and confuse the heck out of everyone on tumblr who’s not in on the meme like
in italian we say “prince light blue” (prince azzurro) instead of “prince charming” and i just saw a joke that in english would be “if you can’t find your prince charming, the solution is to take a random dude from the street and paint him”
what’s the difference between a stapler and a sewing machine? a stapler staples and a sewing machine doesn’t
i take it back, these are still funny in a completely different way
What’s the strongest cake in the world? Mike Cake.
What do you call a fish that’s a thief? A sea bass.
What’s the difference between a cow and sheet metal ? None, both of them have milk
I don’t even care if don’t know what the joke is these are hilarious.
Boy pig said to the girl pig: “Let’s suffer.”
What happens when the sheep come to the grass field? Strawberry.
What do you call a cybercriminal cow? Minced meat.
what does leonardo dicaprio eat?
leonardo eats sandwiches
whats a melon you cannot eat?
an idiot
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. What comes after twenty? Police.
You can’t piano a piano, but you can lean on an elephant.
What’s a pale mammoth? Helmut
Oh this is absolutely amazing!!
‘A fallow deer to another fallow deer:
- let’s play hide and seek
- please, no
What type of bread can’t be eaten? Propane.
What does a bee do at the gym? Zumba.
When is the best time to eat seafood? Wednesday.
What do an orange & an elehpant have in common? They both peel;.
These all sound like those jokes 4 year olds make up before they fully grasp the concept of a joke
- 3 breads and 2 tarts tatin, as usual
- Good memory!
- Easy sir: bread, bread, bread, tarte tatin, tarte tatin
The biggest eggs in the animal kingdom do not belong to the elephant but to the ostrich, which is why he wrote such slow waltzes.
What does a fish do?
Nothing.
Q- ‘what is that called?’
A- ‘you don’t turn it, it can turn by itself’
Where does Simba sleep?
In the swimming pool
What do you call a bassist’s tooth?
A sausage.
winterfireice