No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

daughtersofsappho

Boston Marriages

Boston marriages - romantic unions between women that were usually monogamous but not necessarily sexual - flourished in the late nineteenth century. The term was coined in New England, around the time that numerous women’s colleges such as Vassar, Smith, and Wellesley emerged.The concept of love between women was, of course, not new; “Boston marriage” and the very similar, earlier nineteenth-century term “romantic friendship” connote a type of relationship that dates back to at least the Renaissance in the West, and possibly further in the non-Western world. Boston marriages signified a new phenomenon, however, in that the women involved in them tended to be college-educated, feminist, financially independent, and career-minded - hardly the social norm among females of the day. These characteristics distinguish women bound together in Boston marriages from participants in the earlier romantic friendships.

Boston marriages were long-term and committed, and resembled traditional marriages in many ways. But remaining unattached to men gave women a chance to attain significant decision-making power over their own lives, power they would have forfeited to their husbands in a conventional marriage.The social acceptance of the Boston marriage was predicated upon the common assumption that the women involved did not practice any form of genital sexuality with each other. At the time, sexologists had not begun the regular use of pejorative terms such as “sexual inversion” and “perversion” to decry homosexuality, and the term “lesbian” was not yet in popular usage. Since nineteenth- and early twentieth-century women were often considered not to have strong sex drives - sex for them was supposedly a duty, and intended for procreation only - nothing was deemed wrong with women’s public displays of affection. Neither were their sharing households and even beds considered suspicious.Whether women in these romantic relationships did indeed refrain from sexual contact with each other is difficult to determine, but it is very likely that some, if not all, of Boston marriage couples were physically as well as emotionally involved. Their love letters to each other often indicate a passion that could hardly be considered platonic, and modern lesbian historians and writers have speculated that if members of Boston marriages were alive today, they would openly identify as lesbian.

- Teresa Theophano [X]

knowanoah

Stop telling yourself that the grass is greener on the other side, because it’s not. It is greener where you water it. So take control of your life and start watering your own pastures and grow your own greener grasses.

tardis-stowaway

Stop both envying your neighbor’s green grass AND watering your own. We’re in a fucking drought. You can’t sustain that shit. Think beyond the lawn that society told you to want. Put in some native plants that will thrive and bloom with very little water. They might be a little more spiny than what you first planned, but there is great beauty and variety in these hardy survivors. Your yard will be way more interesting and friendly to wildlife than that of the people who took the easy route and poured on water at the expense of other people and organisms. (This has been a California-themed post hijacking.)

timemachineyeah

No but like along with being literal good advice (GRASS AND LAWNS ARE A TERRIBLE IDEA WE SHOULD REVERSE THIS CULTURAL EXPECTATION NOW) this is also metaphorically good advice (as I’m sure you knew when you posted it).

There are sometimes things that you take for granted that you are just Expected To Want or Do or Be that you don’t actually have to. You’re so used to it you don’t even think about it, but the moment you do a less resource-heavy alternative appears.

On an environmentally friendly level this is a terrible example, but a couple years ago I was talking with my therapist about problems I was having being a functioning human being, and I went on a rant about the dishes and how they stress me out and I feel like I never get them done and then I hate myself and after listening to this whole rant I expected my therapist to give me the normal pep talks about being kind to yourself and taking it on a little bit at a time but instead he just had the most exasperated look on his face and he said,

“Buy some paper plates.”

He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and I was completely speechlessly thunderstruck.

He said, “As an environmentalist, I am giving you permission for your own health to buy some paper plates. Problem solved.”

I don’t always use paper plates now. My mental health does allow me to keep up with the dishes better than I was (though these days my physical health has started interfering). But when I feel that slipping? I skip the cultural expectation that I should just be doing the dishes all the time. I conserve my (metaphorical, the opposite of literal in this case, sadly) water, and I buy some paper plates.

There a thing that’s ruining your mental health? Your life? It feels like a simple thing that other people can just DO, but you can’t? Often there’s a simpler solution. If you are tired of taking care of your hair, cut it into a pixie cut to save yourself the hassle. Hell, shave it off. You don’t need hair! Google hangout is a great alternative to going out when you want to talk to a friend but aren’t sure you can get yourself out of your house. If food stresses you out, buy shit you can just grab and eat without even having to microwave (I fucking love cottage cheese and vegetables for this exact reason).

You do not have to cook. You don’t have to date or get married. You don’t have to be monogamous if you do want to date or get married. You don’t have to be straight. You don’t have to be a boy or a girl. You don’t have to look a certain way or talk a certain way or eat certain things. You don’t have to go to college. You don’t have to be in that major. You don’t have to own a house. You don’t have to want or have kids. You don’t have to wait for the perfect partner to have kids if you do want them.

It’s such a normal thing to have a lawn that many people don’t even consider the time, money, and water it would save to just get rid of it and replace it with an alternative that takes into account the native environment of where it’s growing. How much easier their life would be without maintaining something that just went there because it was expected with no regard for whether it naturally fit, and instead put in plants that serve the same function but actually thrive and take root with no real effort.

Instead of fighting to maintain expectations, throw away your lawn and plant natively instead. Both literally and metaphorically.

aenramsden

Non-lawn grasses also have way deeper root systems that enrich the soil far more and are often much prettier. I mean, look at this stuff!

Much pretty, very wow. They’re just as gorgeous under the soil as above it, and for those American Pride people out there; they’re native plants, while Kentucky Bluegrass is a European/Middle Eastern plant.

I dunno if there’s a metaphor associated with that, but seriously, compare the far left and far right breeds of grass (Kentucky Blue and Buffalo in that picture. One is far better for the soil, and it ain’t the former. It’s also drought-tolerant, which is cool. ^_^

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.