No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

Until I started taking my antidepressants, though, I didn’t actually know that I was depressed. I thought the dark staticky corners were part of who I was. It was the same way I felt before I put on my first pair of glasses at age 14 and suddenly realized that trees weren’t green blobs but intricate filigrees of thousands of individual leaves; I hadn’t known, before, that I couldn’t see the leaves, because I didn’t realize that seeing leaves was a possibility at all. And it wasn’t until I started using tools to counterbalance my depression that I even realized there was depression there to need counterbalancing. I had no idea that not everyone felt the gravitational pull of nothingness, the ongoing, slow-as-molasses feeling of melting down into a lump of clay. I had no way of knowing that what I thought were just my ingrained bad habits — not being able to deposit checks on time, not replying to totally pleasant emails for long enough that friendships were ruined, having silent meltdowns over getting dressed in the morning, even not going to the bathroom despite really, really, really having to pee — weren’t actually my habits at all. They were the habits of depression, which whoa, holy shit, it turns out I had a raging case of.

Helen Rosner, “Not Everyone Feels This Way” (via mythaelogy)

‘Cholo’

[BBC / CPC / C64 / SPEC] [UK] [MAGAZINE] [1986]

“After a nuclear war, the few survivors entered an underground tunnel network below the city of Cholo, waiting for the day when radiation has faded to a safe level. However, because the radiation was higher than anticipated, the computer malfunctioned, keeping people underground. It is your job to send a group of robot droids above the surface to disable the system.” ~Mobygames

buttons-beads-lace

(Screenshots from the game Dwarf Fortress.

Image 1. A dwarf named Thikut Manorhails is reading a book called “Do We Understand Loss?”

Image 2. Thikut is crying while he reads.

Image 3. Description page for the book. It says, “Written on the item is an essay entitled Do We Understand Loss? authored by Smuntstu Scourgenightmare the Secretive Harvester of Disembowelment. It concerns the murder of the goblin Ngerxung Fernmonster the Ochre Dike of Burden by the goblin Smunstu Scourenightmare the Secretive Harvester of Disembowelment in Liespirit in 238.”)

So I bought some new books from the dwarven traders…

I was expecting maybe a religious essay about the afterlife?

fuckyeahdwarffortress

Maybe Ngerxung was Thikut’s lover?

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

‘Cholo’