toasting stresses me out, man. like not even the act of giving a toast, i mean just the clinking glasses bit. like at my cousin’s wedding i was sitting at a table with eight other people. that’s a lot of glasses to look out for. i did a shit job. like i’d get the people on my left and my right straight away, but then it was chaos. like am i reaching over the bread? if my glass makes contact with your knuckles does that count or do you have to hear the sound? near misses don’t count? we don’t get effort points? that guy is sitting down, i’m standing up trying to make this happen. can’t i toast by association? like i toasted with her and i can’t reach you, but she can so by the transitive property of speeches and toast making we toasted, okay? like i’m not even listening to the best man, i have a top-down view of the table in my mind’s eye and i’m drawing lines from myself to everyone else like some kind of etiquette pentagram. i’m not a completionist here. if i get 33% of the people i’m counting that as a successful toast.