Buckle in, folks, there’s a lot going on here!

Bajorans of a feather

I wouldn’t blame you if at first you thought the entire station had been taken over by changelings or something, because WHAT IS UP WITH EVERYONE’S HAIR. I mean, I dig Sisko’s new look. It’s like there was a Riker vs. Picard Sexy Hair Contest and the winner is ALL OF US. It’s just that with Sisko bald, everyone else seems to have gone puffier to compensate.

Case in point: Kira what is with the feathering THIS IS NOT THE EIGHTIES.

Ops in the front, Quark’s in the back

Case in point: O'Brien, you are not fooling anyone. THAT IS A MULLET. A baby mullet, BUT STILL.

You’re gonna swear you’ve got more hair

Dax, Dax, Dax. Did the sauna soak into your brain? It did, didn’t it?


No need to ask, he’s a smooth operator

Yates digs it, anyway.

We’ve seen Sisko in that Escher’s Doormat vest before, and I think maybe we’ve seen the rainbow sherbet blouse too? We haven’t seen them worn together before, and BEN, THERE’S A REASON WHY THAT WAS.

I stared too long at this screencap and I swear it started moving

There are people who can mix patterns and really make it work. Sisko… is not one of those people, apparently. Prophets help us, he’s even clashing with the walls.

Kasidy in Blue

Yates wears an outfit that is simultaneously cute and weird. Naturally we begin with matching the tights and shoes to the exact shade of the dress, because Sisko took all the colors already so there was only one left. Then we have the cut. Now, I’m all for a dash of asymmetry. The one-shoulder neckline is pretty classic. The asymmetrical hemline is something I never really got into, but it seems to be a favorite on Trek. But…

A damsel in this dress

…I just think that asymmetry should not extend to one’s breasts.

This is why I hate ruching, y'all. Designers use it from a desire to do good, but through them it works great evil.


We didn’t choose the Theiss life

Okay, well, maybe I forgive Dax for her sauna-hair. Hi!

Dax’s negligee appears to be a sheer tie-dye, which is a neat trick, and the two Trill holo-men are in briefs made of Ferengi vacation fabric. And brief is the word. The guys kinda both look like they’re holding on to their waistbands to keep their pants from falling down.

Spots and stripes forever

And from this view you can see why; the briefs aren’t briefs so much as loincloths with straps and buckles. On both them and Dax we have tasteful sidespot. Kira has a negligee like Dax’s, and she is just super adorable.

I wonder if Westmore did all the spots himself.


And we all spine on

MORN! I don’t know if we’ve seen his puffy jacket from the back before. I can’t help wondering if that is a LOT of corset lacing or a leather exoskeleton. Kinda Giger-esque either way, really.


Walk like a Cardassian

FINALLY a long view of this jacket caught in screencaps! I’ve been meaning to talk about this weird hemline for ages. Why does Garak design his jackets with what looks like either a giant’s zipper-pull or a two-dimensional codpiece? WHY?

Also, he is apparently kept in business with a government contract to provide this quadrant’s red shirts.


Never smile at a crocodile

Okay this was just flat out “using leftover stuff we found in a closet”, right, Wardrobe? I kept seeing gifs of this moment on the internet and thinking it was an actual plot point, but nope. They had to get into these outfits just for an offscreen gag! I mean, they’re gorgeous outfits, if a little bit “Fire Elemental and Dragon Sorceress Go to Tea.” Or, like, “Medieval Iron Man and Loki”. Which I’m sure Marvel has done already. jazz hands ~comiiiiics~


Alexander Rozhenko… my name is Alexander Rozhenko

Aw, this was kind of sweet. Though we don’t actually get to SEE Alexander, we do see Worf’s photo of them together– and the show bothered to actually have an older Alexander in the photo! (I wonder if it’s the same actor who played him when younger, or if they just found someone else to put in the makeup?)

Naturally I approve of Alexander’s color choices. I’m a little more iffy on Worf’s frame choices. Maybe Alexander made that himself in arts & crafts class.


Do they still measure fabric in yards?

Hey look, Garak has the fabric for Kira and Dax’s negligees! He’s got a lot left over, because it’s not like those garments used much fabric.

Also in the forground: gold lamé, purple sequins, and Chakotay’s leather medicine pouch. In the background: one of Nancy Reagan’s power suits.


No true Scotsman

Aaaaaand another 2D codpiece! What is the deal with that? Is it a sporran? Is he keeping stuff in there? Secret messages? Concealed weapons? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.


Missing the point

This lady has a nice flowy skirt and a crocheted… corset? That downward V point resembles a corset type which the internet tells me is rococo, though it’s a little anachronistic when made of yarn. That is not gonna provide much support, ma'am.


Eye of the storm

We’ve seen this Dabo dress before, but as it’s Pride Month, I just wanted to call attention to her eye makeup. It’s like a rainbow phoenix! AH LOVE EET.


Let the wookiee win

Station evacuees include a jogger (velour hooded tracksuit with pockets!), a jazzercise teacher (sparkly!), and a guy who has apparently stolen Chewbacca’s bandolier. Yeah, you BETTER get to the emergency shelter, dude. Chewie is COMING FOR YOU.

I’m with her

Evacuees also include a guy who is confused about how you put on fishnets, a LOT of people in brown, and Hillary Clinton.


Does this mean you’re a merry man after all?

Worf’s choice for off-duty attire is… a belted tunic. A long, belted, Robin Hood style tunic. Awwww. I guess he really does miss his time on the Enterprise.

Also it’s PURPLE and I kind of want it.

And that’s all for this two-parter! Onward, fashion warriors!