bad-startrek-aus

AU where the ship runs with an old version of Windows

onedamnminuteadmiral

The viewscreen cuts out to the flying toasters screensaver if they have it on one channel too long.

Incoming and outgoing transmissions are accompanied by little graphics of poorly-animated envelopes (and they always come in with AOL-voice: “You’ve got mail!”

Jim changes the cursor on every computer to one of those pixelated bouncing flowers and locks it using captain’s override so no one can change it.

Jim and Spock play chess on this:

They have to wait for dial-up to do literally anything. Alpha shift consists of a bunch of bored officers staring at their screens while the ship boots up and tries to connect to space-AOL. It takes hours.

Klingons run on old iMacs so every time they try to communicate one or both of their computers explode. No wonder diplomacy is tough.

Instead of just asking the computer for information, they have to use Encarta ‘95.

One episode, our intrepid heroes have to cure a crew-wide epidemic where everyone gets addicted to SkiFree and no one gets any work done.