mnemonicmadness-blog asked:

For the headcanon thing: Weyoun (you can pick which one or just all of them)

terribleoldwhitemen answered:

tfw ur wonderful followers remember all your obscure faves and send u headcanon asks about them: priceless. This one took me a while because I love Weyoun and wanted to do (all versions of him lmao) justice! Sorry for the length; for some reason editing in drafts won’t allow me to add a read more…. Spoilers ahead jsyk

Headcanon A: what I think realistically 
Weyoun is viciously competent. We see him in a lot of scenarios that may suggest otherwise– being shot by his own men; dying from a snapped neck as a result of a too-flippant comment– but Weyoun goes through (4? I believe) clones as leader of the Dominion war machine in the Alpha quadrant, showing not only the trust the Founders have in him but also how consistently capable he is of carrying out his mission. Portrayals of him as some blundering woobie-type just….irk me. 

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious
….I mean, if there’s any answer to this other than “defective!Weyoun eating pepperoni with a chopstick” I’m not sure what it would be. Mostly it’s the fact that he’s so…straight-faced about it. God Bless Jeffrey Combs. Other than that tbh there aren’t a lot of “hilarious” facets to Weyoun. He’s actually a bit of a tragic character: brainwashed into absolute, unquestioning loyalty, yet aware on some level that there are questions he should be asking (why he lacks a sense of aesthetics; why the Founders’ goals sometimes seem so silly) and yet can’t voice.

Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
It’s suggested in the last eps of DS9 that since all the cloning facilities in the Alpha Quadrant are destroyed, there will be no more Weyouns. I think the books later retconned this, and a new Weyoun (9 or 10, I can never recall) was brought into being in the Gamma quadrant. But here’s the sad bit (well, probably only sad for me, but w/e): imagine this new Weyoun brought into being, lacking the memories of his most recent predecessor as whatever memory storage technique they use was likely not able to be implemented at the time of his death. Weyoun cannot recall his failures that lead to the loss of the Dominion War, yet he is punished for them– stripped of rank within the Vorta, demoted to the rank of clone lines with half the incarnations of the Weyoun line (a grave insult), and haunted by the unremembered mistakes that caused him to fall so far from the grace of his Gods. 

Headcanon D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
Listen I don’t give a good goddamn whatever creepy perv-vibes the writers were trying to give him in that one ep with Ezri and Worf, Weyoun (all Vorta) are sex-neutral asexuals and that’s the end of it.