as someone in recovery from an ed and with a potpourri of other mental health issues, i’m always thinking about self-talk. mine (and most of ours) is really harsh. it’s programming from childhood, a survival tactic: if i can keep myself in line, or be my harshest critic, i’m less at risk from other people. but in trying to avoid harm from the outside, i’m experiencing it many fold from the inside. i can be much crueler to myself than anyone else could be.
harshly critical self-talk feels like it should be doing something good, but it really never is. if you’re always berating yourself for certain behaviors or traits, does that help you change the behaviors or traits? not usually. usually it just drains whatever energy you might have had to make any positive changes.
it can be scary to speak in an encouraging and affirming way to yourself - what if you let yourself go completely?? - but as i experiment with it i can report that it actually has far greater power for self-preservation and functionality than speaking to yourself in threatening or cruel ways. wisdom, clarity, and courage are never engendered by demeaning talk. maybe it’s time to try something different?
winterfireice