there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend
Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
Achilles’ player: How many?
Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
Homer, the DM: alright Diomedes, what do you want to do now?
Diomedes’ player: I want to stab another god. Can I stab Ares?
Homer, the DM: you want to fight… the god of War. Look, you’ve already injured one immortal. Are you sure -
Diomedes’ player: *rolls a nat. 20*
Homer, the DM: ok. Alright. You… you stab the god of war. You’ve done it. You’ve stabbed another god. And you got the help of Athena to do it, because that was a super dumb, impossible move - that should have been - anyway, Ares’ retribution is going to hurt a lot -
Homer, the DM: *rolls a 1*
Homer, the DM:
Homer, the DM: Well. Okay. Actually Ares just. Leaves. He just, flies off, and complains to his dad, because some dumb mortal stabbed him, and there’s apparently nothing he can do about it.
Diomedes’ player: sweet.
Diomedes’ player: I check for other immortals on the battlefield.
Homer, the DM: oh for gods’ sake.
winterfireice