Normal Horoscope:
Aries: You have an excellent pile of salted meat, share it with your friends.
Taurus: Pay attention and be gentile, you will be rewarded.
Gemini: Turns out you can make so many bad decisions you come out the other end well adjusted.
Cancer: Eventually this will become a cool backstory, like batman.
Leo: If you have enough points, all Leos can unlock their lion form today.
Virgo: You will turn heads at your high school reunion by showing up in a dress made of human arms.
Libra: Discover your ability to telepathically control 80′s new wave artists.
Scorpio: Store your tiny notebook inside of a larger notebook.
Sagittarius: Your hair is wreathed in flowers made of twilight.
Capricorn: Recede into yourself, like a turtle but with your soul.
Aquarius: Plants associated with alchemichal purity grow between your ribs.
Pisces: The angel made a fresh kill and left its corpse by your shoes. It is a gift.
arcticflakes
