Normal Horoscope:
Aries: Relieve some of your mounting stress by tunneling under your local restaurants to begin construction of your labyrinth.
Taurus: Your desire to appear calm and collected will be temporarily foiled when you forget the capital of Scotland and start vomiting blood. Embarrassing.
Gemini: A sense of purpose can be found anywhere, you just have to look. Your purpose is to launch tennis balls onto the property of people wealthier than you. That what you got, no backsies.
Cancer: Someone snuck into your room while you slept and replaced all of your clothing with exact replicas, but made out of one long thread. You know what to do.
Leo: Be ready for a true test of your abilities when you are possessed with the ghost of an american civil war solider during your upcoming job interview.
Virgo: With hard work and determination you can replace large parts of your blood with maple syrup.
Libra: Everyone makes mistakes Libra, and frankly they should have expected this when they made you out of clay and asked you to do menial tasks.
Scorpio: Call this number to text an seraphim! Call now!
Ophiuchus: Not everyone would have your propensity for collecting souls. Not gonna lie, its a bit weird.
Sagittarius: Today at lunch a scaly arm will poke out of a grate. Give it your juice. This will become important later.
Capricorn: Get on with today by scraping the remnants of last night off the ceiling and saving it for later.
Aquarius: You will find success in your love life when you run into a cute boy while both of you are shoplifting from the same walmart.
Pisces: Today your curiosity will get the best of you and you will eat one of the tasty-looking flowers outside your work in one bite.
arcticflakes
