AGH i almost forgot to post my piece i did for @invaderzine !! i had a blast with this lmao
Today in Things Nobody Asked For: Agent Fowler and Optimus Prime playing cards. With a human sized deck.
Geralt of Rivia and Harry Dresden have the same job and similar problems but a couple centuries apart. I don’t know enough about the Witcher series to know the specifics of Geralt’s lifespan but I could definitely see him running into Harry at The Van That Sells Perogies On A Cash-Only Basis in a Chicago Back Alley one cold-ass January night and forming a beautiful, complaint-based friendship.
Im really glad everyone in the notes is agreeing with me because my familarity with Both series is “watched about half the TV/Netflix specials while fuckt up on Cold medicine” but they’re both Men of Slavic roots who are Tired ™ of this Magical/Political Bullshit and just want some nice hot Tax Evasion Pierogi.
If someone who’s more familar with both series wants to write a scanario where they get their Perogi, then procede to get drunk complaining with someone else who finally understands the Absolute Fuckery that thier lives are, then agreeing to a “Strangers On A Train” arrangment where they swap problems for a week, you have both my blessing and my ubridled enthusiasm.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again since no-one has yet given me a valid reason as to why James Potter, lacking a wand, didn’t just transform into Prongs when Voldy turned up and like… fucking spear him. Why didn’t he do that? Like I don’t care how astonishingly powerful a dark wizard he was, no-one could ever be prepared for walking into a house and there’s just… a massive fuck off stag staring you down? How could you possibly react to that?
You couldn’t, giving said stag the opportunity to put an antler through his eye and save the day. Not to mention, can you imagine the Prophet headlines if that was how it’d gone down?
Valid reason coming your way….
You need a wand to assume your Animagus form.
You definitely don’t… Sirius did it in Azkaban.
Aha good point then yeah he should have impaled that motherfucker
He was unregistrated, right? I mean.. sure, he would have killed the dark lord, but still, it’s a crime. And then there’s the fact that the others were animagi too, which would lead to them being exposed and most certainly being accused of not getting themselves a registration. Their connections to Remus would be obvious, and I think he’d be exposed too. We all learned about the problems lycantrophy causes, and I don’t think James would have been stupid enough to risk that his best friend lost everything.
To be fair, you try telling the guy who FUCKING IMPALED Voldemort that he had to go to jail for being unregistered.
Also, it’s the ministry of magic. You could literally say that someone had created a stag by whatever means, and they’d buy it.
Another superlative point—"Where did the stag—yes, it was definitely a stag not a deer note that down please—where did it come from you ask? Oh, absolutely haven’t the foggiest Mister Minister Sir—it was just sort of there. Passing through I suppose.“
”…Passing through.“
“Yes.”
“Through your hallway.”
“Yes.”
“And stabbed Voldemort through the eye.”
“Through the eye, yes, and right through the brain: ghastly stuff, Minister, felt absolutely horrid.”
“It felt horrid?”
“I mean… I imagine so.”
“… right. And where did this deer go?”
“Oh, it vanished, Sir, quite spontaneously.”
“…uhuh. So the stag just wandered into your home, skewered a dark wizard, disapeared, and you saw neither where it came from nor where it went.”
“That’s about the size of it, yes.”
“… Yeah okay that sounds legit job done lads.”
Venom’s talk about being considered a loser on his planet, his quick fondness for Eddie, his pleasant surprise when Eddie first called them “we,” and his sudden switching of sides all lead me to conclude that like in the comics, movie!Venom is a big romantic sap that wanted a fairytale symbiosis with a perfect host and all the other reind- Klyntar can’t even deal with his nonsense.
No wonder Riot was so keen on finding him and getting him back on Plan Let’s Get Ready to Invade These Assholes. It’d been six months since he’d seen Venom, and he just knows that without supervision that fucking jackass has gone and fallen in love with the first son of a bitch that didn’t die on him and talked to him halfway decently and now he’s not gonna want to conquer the planet.
And sure enough, he’s not even surprised when Venom turns up all traitorous and married. He gives him one, fleeting chance to get in the fucking rocket, you lunatic, and then he’s just gonna fucking eat him. He’s tired of this, Venom. Absolutely done with this shit.
Riot: GODDAMMIT, VENOM, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS. LOOK AT HIM. YOUR TASTE IS GETTING WORSE.
Venom: HE GAVE ME TATER TOTS AND CALLED US “WE” AND “BUDDY.” WE KISSED IN THE FOREST UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WE WILL HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN.
Riot: VENOM, DROP THAT THING RIGHT NOW, I WON’T TELL YOU AGAIN. HE SMELLS LIKE SWEAT AND FAILURE.
Venom: HE HAS A MOTORCYCLE.
i would sell my soul for a font of victor hugo’s handwriting
boy do I have some news for you (source)

nice
amazing







