this book makes me feel uncomfortable so much.
the-scarecrowlover
I have always said this ever since I watched OFMD for the first time but I’ll say it again:
I personally don’t believe Ed was being his true self when he went through the “Why are we even pirates” phase. Instead, I have reasons to believe he was going through a manic phase after a depressive episode, floundering for an identity that would help him feel less broken, but missing the mark in the process.
As someone who has gone through extremely painful breakups and who struggles with a sense of identity due to my abandonment issues, I read that moment as a clear sign that Ed is overcompensating for what he feels is a shortcoming in his personality, and he thinks that shortcoming is the alleged “cause” for why Stede left him.
In that scene, Ed seems to understand that he is not the violent and ruthless entity that people make him out to be, but he’s also unable to fully grasp the extent to which he is soft and vulnerable, thus pushing things to an artificial extreme.
I think Izzy’s reaction is significant in this situation because he overcorrects in the exact opposite direction. In that moment Izzy may sense that Ed is not acting like “himself”, but he fails to recognize in what way. Because of this misunderstanding, he pushes things too far toward the other extreme. Izzy could be partially correct in assuming Edward isn’t being his genuine self, but he makes the mistake to assume that if Ed isn’t this absolute softy, then he MUST be the complete opposite. Izzy is your typical black-and-white thinker, and so the way he jumps to assumptions is both predictable and tragic.
After the argument with Izzy, Ed comes to the partial realization that he has gone too far with his soft persona. However, in doing so, he unfortunately overcorrects again, this time going “Kraken mode”, and once again missing the mark when it comes to finding his true self. He is like a person who has lost control of his car, swerving from one curb the other instead of finding stability somewhere in the middle.
I genuinely believe that the “true Ed” is somewhere in between those two extremes, but he hasn’t yet found the inner peace to truly embrace that side.
Those of us who struggle with identity often go through these periods of attempting to find the self by adopting extreme sides of our personality, especially when we are in distress. This can be exasperated when the people around us show us in one way or another that they don’t accept who we are. In those moments of desperate self exploration, we scramble to find an identity that can ground us and help us gain acceptance and approval from those around us. People like this tend to jump to conclusions and assume they have found their true identity, but it’s rarely the case, especially when the driving force is external and not internal.
I believe the only way Ed can find his true self is if he separates himself from external factors and traumas, which is, of course, not easy in the environment he’s currently in. If he continues to rely on the reactions and perceptions of others to define himself, he will never be able to truly heal. Stede can’t heal him, Izzy can’t heal him, the external world can’t heal him. Only Ed can save Ed.
I’m curious to see how Season 2 explores these concepts.