"Always leave the cheese behind for Weird Ed and his Hamster".
Maniac Mansion - Lucasfilm Games - Jaleco
Nintendo Entertainment System
‘“Feed the chickens!” Manannan will say. By the time you find the chickens, he will be so impatient that he shows up suddenly and turns you into a pile of ashes. “Sweep the fireplace!” he will say, ironically conjuring up images of you, yourself, being recently turned into the kind of ashes you’ve been commanded to sweep. Not knowing where the fireplace is, you will walk into his study by accident, and he will immediately fry you for invading his privacy. “Empty my chamberpot!” he will say. You will find his chamberpot, panic under the pressure of being watched and timed under penalty of death, and get killed for nervously typing EMPTY CHAMBERPOP by mistake.
'Eventually, you will find yourself with a few seconds of reprieve from his demands, at which point you will start to piece together exactly what you’re supposed to do in this game that doesn’t involve dying. You will compulsively pick up everything you find. You will spend too long arguing with the text parser over what that blob over there is, and what to do with it. Then Manannan will arrive to murder you for parading around the house with forbidden magic in your pockets. You will have been murdered for possession of cat fur and a spoon.’
Oh, my God, this article. I am crying.
Ye gods. Tons and tons of Let’s Plays of older and unknown adventure games. I feel like I’ve struck the absolute motherlode. And no horrible commentary over top, either!
“I wanted a game that you couldn’t win. Because there was a no-win ending to my original story. But they talked me out of that. They said you would seek me out and hurt me if I made it impossible to win. So, yes, there is a salutary solution to this game. But I’m pouting. What is it with you gazoonies, do you always have to be so damned goal-oriented? Isn’t the journey enough of an adventure for you? Jeez, I’d hate to see what your karma looks like.”
Killer article, rife with quotes from Mr. Ellison himself, about ‘I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream: The Adventure Game’. Ye Gods, what a concept.
Gabriel Knight, A Cat & Detective Franklin Moseley - Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned (1999)
The infamous cat moustache puzzle!
Available on print at Society6.
Adventure Games Vs Real Life
Adventure Games: Try every door to see if it’s unlocked. It could contain a bonus level!
Real Life: Try all the doors and people think you’re some kind of thief or something.
Adventure Games: Always Go down the alley.
Real Life: NEVER GO DOWN THE ALLEY
Adventure Games: Sure, this guy LOOKS big and scary but I’m sure he just wants a quest item or something, it’s not like you can die in this game!
Real Life: That’s a nice tattoo you have there, sir. A snake coming out a skull? Very on–trend.
Adventure Games: Sure, Let’s put these seven books and this giant dog in my pockets.
Real Life: Nothing at all fits in my pockets.
Adventure Games: Look, just screw everyone in the game over. This is the only way to get items! Steal their glasses, you never know if you might need them later. Can’t imagine a situation where you’d need a peg–leg? Well, guess what, you have a saw and this pirate is asleep, so let’s do it! Maybe you can sell it back to him when he wakes up, or use it as firewood.
Real Life: Please don’t steal stuff. Seriously.
—Jacob
vampire-rooster-deactivated2019 asked:
Your recent posts have inspired me to play classic adventure games. thank you.
God, I’m delighted~! I keep waiting for someone to angrily anon-message me to knock it off - but seriously, those games are unstoppable - I keep watching Let’s Plays of the Quest for Glory series, and there is just nothing like that anymore, is there…
cucumber-s
