people talking about wanting ed and stede to have an awkward sweet sex scene and i’m like???? i hate awkward??? secondhand embarrassment is the worst??? but also the horrible sexy banter would be god tier, like -
okay, but - Stede being like, hmm, must learn how to make love in a Manly Way, how do? and so it’s like -
“Lucius! Lucius– ah, Lucius, there you are. I need to have a word.”
“Yes?”
“I need your advice. Man to man.”
“…go on?”
“Ed and I intend to make love. Later today, actually.”
“That’s… great–”
“Absolutely, and so I need you to fill me in.”
“You need me to–what?”
“All the tips. All the details. I need your expertise. Not that I don’t have books, obviously, and the illustrations are really tip-top, but sometimes these things are best explained by an expert, wouldn’t you say?”
“I… uh…”
“Now, I’ve heard you’re a bit of a Lothario–”
“I mean, I don’t think that term exactly applies–”
“–and I want you to give me the real goods. I need the conversation to be quite frank. Possibly even ribald.”
“…oh, god…”
Twenty minutes later Stede strides off to meet his destiny, and Lucius is staring out at the sea, ashen-faced. Pete leans next to him; nudges him suggestively.
“Hey, sweetie…”
Lucius looks at him like one who has seen Death.
“No. Not now. And possibly never again.”
Stede Has Never Kissed Ed When Ed Had A Beard
I can’t decide if when he does it’ll be “ooh mr blackbeard ooh” or “ick id yer beard is scritchy”.
I need a modern day OFMD AU where, after Stede leaves, Ed gets really drunk and sad and sings Careless Whisper at karaoke at a bar and the whole crew is just like “what in the actual fuck”.
The amazing thing about this show is it doesn’t have to be a modern day au, it could just like happen
is this anything
ID: handshake meme with “ed teach” on one hand and “elim garak” on the other. in the middle it reads “having a bf who romanticises ur horrifying and traumatising job”. End ID.
I’ve been dying—dying!—to write this Chiaroscuro scene since I started the fic. But instead my brain has planted its ass in the dirt and is daydreaming about a completely different fic.
…The new fic is about an up-and-coming pirate who plans to make a name for himself by assassinating Blackbeard.
His plan? Kidnap the Gentleman Pirate, who everyone knows is Blackbeard’s beloved pet/wealthy hostage, and use him as leverage.
And so, Up-And-Coming Pirate and his crew steal the pretty beardless fellow wearing a fussy pink banyan straight out of Blackbeard’s bed.
(Ed has never been an honest-to-god damsel in distress before. He’s going to go ahead and consider this a vacation.)
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet/The Sea
Characters: Stede Bonnet, Edward Teach, and the Sea - Character
Additional Tags: Meta, Smut, smutty meta?, smetta?, Stede loving the sea, mixed with glimpses of Stede being vigourously loved in a less metaphorical way
Summary:
Stede Bonnet has always been a little bit infatuated with the sea. He’s admired it from afar. He’s dropped it the occasional cheeky wink. But meeting it firsthand, up close and personal, actually getting to woo the sea, so to speak, is a little different than he’d imagined.
cucumber-s
